


Old Wisdom

by MisterStalker



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, M/M, Spanking, bad grammar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:27:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24559885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisterStalker/pseuds/MisterStalker
Summary: Geralt finds old Wisdom in an ancient book detailing some unusual ways to handle different pests.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 6
Kudos: 84





	Old Wisdom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tiny_freakin_head](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiny_freakin_head/gifts).



> "In this here great booke,” continued Dhun, “which be in our family clan for time immemorial, be ways to deal with every monster, spell and wonder in the world that has been, is, or will be.”
> 
> Geralt turned the heavy, thick, greasy, dust-encrusted volume in his hands. He lay the book down on the table and turned its heavy wooden cover.
> 
> “Hmm… And here? What’s this?”
> 
> The etching showed a disheveled monstrosity with enormous eyes and even larger teeth, riding a horse. In its right hand, the monstrous being wielded a substantial sword, in its left, a bag of money. “A witchman,” mumbled the woman. “Called by some a witcher. To summon him is most dangerous, albeit one must; for when against the monster and the vermin there be no aid, the witchman can contrive. But careful one must be—”
> 
> “Enough,” muttered Geralt. “Enough, Grandma. Thank you.”
> 
> “No, no,” protested Dandelion with a malicious smile. “How does it go on? What a greatly interesting book! Go on, Granny, go on.” 
> 
> “Eeee… But careful one must be to touch not the witchman, for thus the mange can one acquire. And lasses do from him hide away, for lustful the witchman is above all measure—” 
> 
> “Quite correct, spot on,” laughed the poet…
> 
> “—though the witchman greatly covetous and greedy for gold be,” mumbled the old woman, half-closing her eyes, “giveth ye not such a one more than: for a drowner, one silver penny or three halves; for a werecat, silver pennies two; for a plumard, silver pennies—”  
> -Andrzej Sapkowski

Amid the dusty rocks of the desert at the edge of the world, Geralt let the horses drink from a shallow pool and he poured over the old fragile pages of the book.

His traveling companion plucked at the singing strings of his new lute, too enchanted with the novelty to compose anything yet.

Geralt turned the old pages with care, returning to a page he saw briefly in the old hut with the even older woman. "There was another page I considered to be of interest."

Dandelion was unable to look up from his lute, "Oh? What more wisdom does your tome share?"

The page Geralt wanted had a delicately drawn image filling an entire sheet. Thick strokes from a quill showed a private beach cove with tall round rocks and soft waves splashing the sand. One the beach, Geralt could tell the artist had some fun with it, a dozen of 'modest' naked women with long thin bodies and heavy breasts. A human man had caught one and wrestled her firmly under an arm to spank her with a thin rod.

"The Mer-Folk" Geralt started to read. Dandelion lowered his lute as the witcher caught his interest. "One will know the presence of the Mer-Folk by the magical singing of the water. They swim in ocean waters and expose their naked body to any who look."

Dandelion muttered, "You bathe naked too." He tried to focused on his lute but Geralt continued reading, knowing the other could not ignore him.

"To rid your beaches of this pest…" Geralt started, aware of the weight of Dandelion's stare. "One must deliver a tempting offer of finely woven, beautiful clothing. When the Mer-Folk come to shore, they will cast off their fish tail for vanity, and to play. Then you must ambush the Mer-Folk, grabbing each one firmly to thrash them soundly across the buttocks with a switch."

"Geralt! It does NOT say that!" Dandelion insisted, horrified by the very suggestion.

The witcher hummed over the foot notes, "The buttocks, the thighs, or the underside of the foot." Dandelion cried out wordless objection. "So long that the Mer-Folk dare not sit nor step foot on land. They will put on their fish tail and flee."

Dandelion stood up to cross the clearing and snatch the book, but Geralt held it out of reach. "Throw away your filthy rag! It is going to put dirty thoughts in your head." The bard was noticeably hot, his skin flushing pink as blood rushed up under his skin. He couldn't handle a threat of any kind with dignity. It was enough to almost make the witcher pity him.

"Let's test the old wisdom, Dandelion. We'll see if a hard spanking is all it takes to send you away." Geralt suggested, opening his other hand to grab the other if he reached so roughly for the book again.

Dandelion hopped back, out of immediate reach, letting the witcher carefully close the book and put it away in his bag. "Absolutely not! I would rather put on my fish tail and swim away now than let you try that!"

"We are a long way from the ocean, Dandelion." Geralt reminded. It was meant to be comforting. Attempting to drive a siren out to sea was not working so long as they are in the desert at the edge of the world. The witcher would gain nothing but a noisy traveling companion, crying about his sore bottom till he exhausted himself.

Instead, Dandelion was reminded that he was far from the ocean, and on land the witcher had the advantage. He grabbed his lute and climbed onto his horse hastily. "I'm returning to the old woman to tell her that her book is out of date… The book assured me that you lustful witch-men only grab at the arses of young women."

Geralt's smiled maliciously and he stood up. If Dandelion was going to make such an accusation, Geralt was going to give some merit to it. But Dandelion didn't stay for that, he put his heels to the sides of his horse and started down the dusty path, sending back a playful wink over his shoulder.

**Author's Note:**

> This is heavily influenced by the book and should be considered a considered a continue of the quoted text.
> 
> As for Dandelion, the singer, the handsome flirtatious singer who lives to sing and enchants all with his music, and hangs out with a Witcher?
> 
> Yeah, that guy is a siren. Or he is for the purpose of my amusement in writing with Tiny_freakin_head. My friend, I hope you enjoy the fruit of my inspiration.


End file.
